THE DEVIL IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS

How can The Devil card, often seen as ominous, hold the key to understanding our deepest desires and fears? Join me as I recount my tumultuous relationship with Simon, the first man I dated post-divorce, to reveal the powerful impact of this enigmatic Tarot card. From the moment he refused to order vegan food to his relentless love bombing, Simon embodied the Devil card's themes of obsession and the consequences of our choices. Discover the mirrored connection between The Devil and The Lovers cards, and how Capricorn's grounded energy plays a role in this captivating narrative.

In a whirlwind three-week relationship, I found myself lowering my boundaries for a man grappling with seasonal affective disorder and a tumultuous past. Despite his avoidant personality and narcissistic tendencies, I became emotionally detached yet struggled to move on. This compelling episode tackles the challenges of navigating a relationship marked by mental health issues, disrespectful behavior, and the ultimate decision to block and move forward. Listen in to uncover the lessons embedded in this intense experience and how The Devil card's influence can illuminate our path to self-awareness and healing.

For visual reference I used The Devil card from The Original RWS Tarot and The Devil card from The Dark Mansion Tarot.

The Vegan snack mentioned is DE Caramel Cups.

Chapters

• 0:01 The Devil Card
• 11:09 Soul Contracts and Obsessive Behavior

Transcript

Alexandra Virginia: 0:01

Welcome to another episode of Intimate Tarot. I'm your host, Alexandra, and today we are going to talk about The D evil. The Devil is card 15 in a tarot deck. 1 plus 5 equals 6, and that's how it mirrors The Lovers. The Devil shows the consequences of the choice we have made in the 6. Every time we are making a choice, we are giving up something else, and to make sense of the loss of that thing we are giving up, we dedicate our total energy, time, motivation, commitment to this new project, job, person that we decided in The Lovers that it was better for us. And that's how this card relates to Capricorn. We find Earth energy here, grounded, unapologetic, a force of nature that pushes us towards the new goal. It opposes the Air energy of Gemini in The Lovers, because there we were simply collecting information in order to take a mindful decision. Nothing is decided yet. In The Lovers we are in front of options, but it's in The Chariot that we are willingly moving towards one direction or the other, and in The Devil we see the outcome of that decision.

Alexandra Virginia: 0:58

My experience with The Devil card manifested with a obsession to keep in my life the first man I dated after leaving my husband. He was not the first man I talked to after divorce, nor the first one I went out on a date with, but he was the first one I kissed and the first I started seeing regularly. Almost every day I cooked for this man, I cuddled on the sofa with him. We shared cute moments. He was the first man I introduced to my daughter. For these and other reasons, Simon that's the name I'm using for storytelling purposes was and still is significant to me. To understand the intoxicating energy of the devil card, you need to see through my eyes with the mindset I was having when I met him. Only if you put yourself in the shoes of someone who has been physically and emotionally neglected for years can you comprehend how incredible is a compliment, a cuddle or his left hand on my thigh while he's driving with the right. When you are starved of love and physical touch for so long, even the crumbles taste like a good meal. The first part of the story, when he and I were together, is exemplified visually by the classical representation of The Devil card in the Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot, while the second part, when he and I were in no contact, is totally The Devil by The Dark Mansion Tarot.

Alexandra Virginia: 2:09

This story begins in December 2023. On the first of the month, I download the dating app Bumble. Ten days later, I match with Simon. I can see from his picture he's an handsome guy, but the thing that catch my eye is the fact that he admits he's not active physically and I think to myself how honest is he not pretending to hit the gym daily? So I swipe right, we match, we start talking and immediately asks for my number. So we move the conversation to WhatsApp and plan a date for that week.

Alexandra Virginia: 2:35

As a vegan, I normally ask the guy I'm going out with if he doesn't mind ordering plant-based food. It is not something that I need in the sense that it doesn't aggravate me to see another eating meat, but it's a simple request that shows me how far the other person is willing to go to please me. And also it's cute to be able to share food at the table. But Simon answers no. Though we are going to an Indian restaurant the thrower he could have easily found a tasty meat-free dish For reference. Only him and no other guy I've been out with in these past seven months ever refused to order vegan food. And, spoiler alert, simon will never share a vegan meal with me for the entirety of our relationship. But he books a table for us under his name, finds where to park, asks me where I live and if I need a lift or shall we meet in front of the restaurant. He's putting himself in charge of this date and I find it very manly. So the red flag got leveled up immediately by this green flag. We go out, conversation is lovely. After dinner we kiss, and he's the first man I'm kissing other than my husband in eight years. So it is special to me and my body feels the chemistry, but my intuition feels alerted by something he's saying.

Alexandra Virginia: 3:40

I ask him three psychological questions. He doesn't know they are meant to unlock his inner persona behind the mask. I ask Simon's favorite animal is the gorilla? Because it's elegant and majestic. He says Simon's favorite piece of clothing is the jacket he's wearing that night because, he says, the shoulders are padded and make him look bigger. That's how others see him A pretender, a fake, double-faced, perhaps big on the outside and small on the inside. Simon's favorite body of water is waterfall, because of the way he feels after he leaves. He says Simon sees sex as something that would make him feel good afterwards. So unconsciously he's telling me that sex for him is about how he would feel after he was intimate with a girl. It's about him and his pleasure. For reference, I had a guy who told me his favorite body of water was a lake. He used to go when he was a boy because to get there he had to follow a little path across the wood. So for this guy it was about the chasing, the way to get there. The courtship was as important as the act of sex itself. So by this answer you understand the difference between someone who would make love to you and someone who would just use you for his own needs. So the green flag of him being objectively a curious character got leveled up by his subconscious revelations. The date ends with X.

Alexandra Virginia: 5:03

Once home he starts love bombing me from that very night for a week. I am aware he is doing that, but I am enjoying the attention. I am coming from an emotional, abusive marriage. So I am taking the promises, even if they are false. I am taking the compliments, even if they are small. I am taking the bare minimum, because I would take anything at this point, even breadcrumbs because I was starved.

Alexandra Virginia: 5:24

We plan our second date at the cinema and despite having a conversation, on what type of movie to watch. He tells me that I have no choice. We are going to watch Godzilla in Japanese with English subtitles. I don't want to do that, but he's taking me out for dinner first and I want to see him Also. I don't particularly care for the movie anyway, because I'm hoping to kiss him all night, so I accept. I don't particularly care for the movie anyway because I'm hoping to kiss him all night, so I accept. But that was the first time his strength showed up in a way that he was not confident and sexy, like he could have been booking the table for the date, but in a manipulative way he was inflexible about watching that particular movie.

Alexandra Virginia: 5:58

Godzilla is before 9pm, so we rush dinner. But he promises me he would take me to Tesco to buy Deliciously Ella Caramel Cups for me to snack on during the movie. But he does not take me to the shop, he wants to go straight to the cinema. There I pay for the snacks as a thanks for paying for dinner and the tickets, so I show my gratitude. I'm not holding a grudge, but I am upset that he did not take me to the shop to grab a vegan snack. We rush dinner to have enough time for the detour. He promised me that and, besides, even if he would have arrived 10 minutes later to this Japanese movie, would that have been a problem? He could have easily pleased me by taking me to Tesco, but he cared more about the movie and that was the first of many times he didn't keep his word with me. Anyway, this is the last date someone and I are having outside Going onward. He will only come to my house for chamomile tea and gaslighting.

Alexandra Virginia: 6:50

We are in the second week of someone and I dating On a Monday. He says he will make me his girlfriend by a Friday. He changes his mind. That's iconic. He is so inconsistent but he charms me with sweet talk. He says he wants to come over and help me with the kids so I am less stressed and we can relax together. He tells me he's buying stuff online so we can do crafting together. He tells me he's looking for a yoga mat so we can do yoga together, that he's making a list of the restaurants we have to try together. He says that he's looking forward to starting the new year together.

Alexandra Virginia: 7:20

The lies are to the roof and keep in mind, I am a professional tarot reader. Tarot tells me this man is hiding something and the oracle literally shows up with a card the deceit. I am so aware he's lying, but I don't care. I am obsessed with the idea of having this boy by my side because I took the decision to break my marriage to find a better partner and so, help me, god, I'll make this boy into a man. He will be that partner. But this is the week when Simon starts to feel run down.

Alexandra Virginia: 7:47

Simon has seasonal affective disorder. He's also unemployed at this time in the story, so his sleeping pattern is messed up. He sleeps during the day because he doesn't have a job to go to and he's awake at night because he plays online games. And because of his sleeping schedule. By the way, I am never receiving a good night good morning text. And because of his sleeping schedule, by the way, I am never receiving a good night good morning text, which sounds silly, but understand, I like this guy. He keeps telling me he likes me a lot, but he's not even doing the bare minimum of a good night text, though he's awake at night or asking me how my day is going, as he's sleeping while my day is going. So there is very little communication over the phone.

Alexandra Virginia: 8:23

But he starts to come over to my house. My daughter and I eat around 6 pm. Then Simon comes to the house around 8.30, orders his own takeaway though at times he asks me to cook pasta for him waits for my daughter to go to bed, watches half a movie with me, then leaves the house. This is his routine every night up to the end of December. I don't like that. He comes late to my house because I wake up early in the morning, I'm still going to work, I am tired in the evening and also I miss him because I don't hear from him during the day. And the fact that he makes me wait almost up until 9pm to then see him eating and have a quick catch up doesn't sit well with me. But he says he does that because he prefers to come later, when my daughter is already tired and going to sleep.

Alexandra Virginia: 9:10

Initially, the fact that he wanted to wait for sex made me like him even more, because I thought he liked me for myself, not my body. But this is getting strange. Now we are dating for two weeks and he's in my house every night. I am very vocal about the fact that I want to be intimate with him, but he's not responsive and I don't know yet if he's withholding sex from me as a form of manipulation or he's scared of intimacy. I don't understand what is the problem, but he says he's attracted to me and so I wait.

Alexandra Virginia: 9:40

On Christmas Day he doesn't wish me Merry Christmas. He also doesn't buy a Christmas present for me, despite the fact that I gave him a candle for his mom, nor for my three years old, though. He has been interacting with her every night for a week now and she's just a child who would have been happy with a pack of candy. It would have been happy with a pack of candy. It would have been easy for him to please her and it would have been correct for him to reciprocate my kind gesture towards his mom. He should have bought me those Deliciously Ella cups he didn't get me on the second date.

Alexandra Virginia: 10:06

The entire last week of December is completely awful. His depression is so bad and he gets more and more disrespectful by words and actions. He tells me in more than one occasion that he doesn't want me in his life, but also asks me to wait because his depression is debilitating. Only during the holidays. After the new year, he will be fine. He tells me that mid January his new job will start. Therefore he will have a normal sleeping pattern and he will have more energy to talk and meet and go out. He also tells me his mom is going abroad on holiday very soon so I could come over to his house and we can finally have sex.

Alexandra Virginia: 10:36

I want you to remember that The Devil is often called the card of procrastination, but it's not about laziness per se. It's about the delay of changing a habit because you want to see how far you can push it. Capricorn energy here you are challenging yourself. Also, even if it's an objectively bad habit, you are not motivated to change anything in life if somehow you are still finding it beneficial to you, just like an alcoholic wouldn't stop drinking, even though it is objectively damaging their liver, because somehow they are still finding the bottle beneficial to them because the liquor is soothing their pain. So understand that.

Alexandra Virginia: 11:09

I have been dating this man three weeks now and he has made me aware that not only a seasonal affective disorder, but also a history of trauma and mental health issues. He's telling me he's not well and because of that he doesn't have energy to take me out or to be communicative. Therefore, I am lowering my boundaries and allowing disrespect because I believe he doesn't know any better. I need to be compassionate, empathetic and sympathetic. He's hurting my feelings, but somehow his presence in my life is still beneficial to me because he's awakening something in me.

Alexandra Virginia: 11:40

The discomfort I'm feeling with Simon is somehow better than the boredom I felt in my marriage. I have not felt this intrigue in a long time. I feel like I'm living in my own drama teen show because I believe he's not well, but I also perceive him as very manipulative. I am frustrated and annoyed, but also entertained by this confusion and I want to see how far I can push this. But I'm also not naive. I understand I made a mistake and that is not boyfriend material. So I am back on dating apps. I start matching with guys.

Alexandra Virginia: 12:08

Simon finds out and on the 2nd of January he admits his ego has been hurt beyond repair, so he leaves me, walks out the door and this time I let him go because the night after I have a date with an Irish man, so I don't actually care. I think I'm done. But not even 10 days go by and Simon messages me on Instagram inviting me to his house for dinner and a movie, I go, but when I see him I feel nothing. It has been a consistent process of emotional detachment from him. Day by day during our three weeks together we were getting farther from each other rather than closer. So when we are laying on his couch watching a movie, I feel absolutely nothing. I was supposed to be there as his girlfriend. What is he doing now with his arm around my shoulder, kissing my head so sweetly like nothing happened? This is actually making me sad, because being this cozy with him in his house is all I wanted, and now I can't wait to go home.

Alexandra Virginia: 12:57

He drives me back and asks for a cuddle before I get out of the car. I hug him and I believe he wants to kiss me, but I leave the car. I don't want to kiss him. I'm not attracted to him anymore. He crossed the line too many times. There is no amount of charm he can use on me now to make me forget the hurtful things he said and did, amount of charm he can use on me now to make me forget the hurtful things he said and did. It is the January new moon in Capricorn the last time I see Simon.

Alexandra Virginia: 13:23

Now all considered I escaped the devil chains that bonded me in that 3D relationship quite easily compared to the devil chains that will enslave me into a six-month delusionship, starting now, after the breakup. If you haven't listened to The Tower episode, I recommend you check that out to have a full picture of what I was going through mentally when, in mid-February, I broke no contact with Simon. You see, the devil card shows up in moments of weakness, because that's when the strong Capricorn energy feels inebriating and you start feeling alive again, because you have got an idea, a new goal, a project, a vision that you want to bring to fruition. And it doesn't really matter if it's a stupid concept, as long as it makes you feel something. Then you are doing it and you are pushing it as far as you can, just like the goat pushes it upwards, to climb the top of the hill relentlessly.

Alexandra Virginia: 14:06

In February I'm going through divorce, I have problems at work with my manager, the kids are stressing me because their father is abroad on the job, which also means that I have no help on weekends, and I cannot decompress with lively conversations on Bumble, because every man I find only offers me sex, not a chat, not a date, only sex, which is not what I need now, because it's not about my body, it's about my brain. What I need right now is for my brain to be engaged in a great conspiracy theory, and I made one up. What if Simon left me? Because he has an avoidant personality, which means he does have feelings for me, but he doesn't know how to express them. He's scared of how he feels or what he might feel if we keep going as a couple, which would explain why he literally left me at the beginning of the new year, when he said he would have felt better and we could have been fine, though he told me to my face he has commitment issues, that he doesn't want to date a mom, that he doesn't want to stay friends, that he doesn't want me in his life. He literally unfollowed me and deleted my number. For once, his words and actions are matching. But what if I know better than he does? The theory of him being an avoidant with narcissistic traits is so fitting and fixing him would be so complicated that this is just the right project for me to take on right now, because it's a great distraction.

Alexandra Virginia: 15:21

Again: go listen to The Tower episode to understand my escapism problem. So I text him. He replies, we exchange a few texts for a couple of days, but he's not giving me the plot twist I wanted because he's playing his own game of chaser and runner and prefers to ghost and hide. So I am upset, I block him and I think all right, I cannot obsess over him because he's not fun. He's got too much ego to play delulu with me.

Alexandra Virginia: 15:45

But I can't put my mind to rest because, despite everything, I actually don't hate him. So I question myself why can't you hate the guy? It is so easy for me to block in the late numbers and jump onto the next guy because I get bored so easily when the vibe is off. So why can't I do the same with him? And I think isn't being calm a sign of familiarity? Is it possible? I know him from my previous life. Also, isn't the chaser and runner a classic twin flame dynamic?

Alexandra Virginia: 16:15

What if we have a soul contract? What if he was meant to meet me because I have something to teach him? What if I really have to save him? Because, let's be clear, I want nothing from him. He has nothing to offer me anyway and I'm not attracted to him at any physical, emotional or energetic level. But I want to help him. I see my shadow in him. He's an unhealed version of myself. I get him deeply. I really do. Also because I read his birth chart, which is another topic on itself, trust me. So I am obsessing with the idea of someone and I having a soul contract and because of that, synchronicities show up, because they are a manifestation of our inner state. So the more I pour energy into him, the more he appears in my dreams. In my tarot readings I see his initials everywhere and the last digits of his phone number, which is my favorite angel number.

Alexandra Virginia: 17:05

I am also not dating anyone regularly because no one is boyfriend material. And I started to think did Simon curse me? It seems unlikely to me that after four months, no one is showing up with anything more interesting than this fantasy movie I have in my head and I keep playing it for lack of anything better to do while my mental health is crumbling due to stress at work. I played this movie so intensively that I manifested impossible. I rematch with him on Bumble. We exchange a few messages on the app, then he unmatches me. I'm not having it this time. I need the distraction because I'm not doing well mentally. So I unblock him on WhatsApp and we start talking again. He asks me out. We are in April.

Alexandra Virginia: 17:46

I have not seen him in four months and have not spoken to him since February. This wish of reconnecting with him is what kept me going through these months of incredible work-life stress. I am aware that I have a compulsive obsessive personality and that my OCD tricks spike during moments of increased stress. I know all too well that my obsession with someone is purely mental and that I don't have an interest in him in this 3D world. So I decline the invite. He gets mad and deletes my number.

Alexandra Virginia: 18:15

I meet another guy at the end of April. He's fresh air. We bond immediately. We are besties, all is good. I can talk to him when I'm stressed. I think I'm going to be fine. I don't need karmic delusionships anymore.

Alexandra Virginia: 18:25

But again, if you haven't listened to the tower, go listen to it because, spoiler alert, end of May I get fired. I am in total shock. I am sad and confused and overwhelmed with responsibilities. I just need a hug. So I break no contact with Simon again. You need to understand.

Alexandra Virginia: 18:46

He leaves only 35 minutes by car from me and I know that if I text him and ask him to come over. He will reply and come, and it's not because of our sole contract and not even that he really likes me. It's because it pleases contract and not even that he really likes me. It's because it pleases his ego that I always go back to him. That's why he never blocks me, because he knows I will text and I text him and no other guy because, compared to the others, I know he will not ask me for sex. It's just mental games between us. We have this toxic pattern going on, but this is not the time for healing toxicity. I need something to rely on and his unreliability is actually comforting. It soothes me to know that I can meet him, share a cup of tea and a cuddle, exchange a few texts, then he will ghost. It's a classic. It's like watching your favorite TV series. I have no surprises with him and from my perspective that's a win because I know how the events are going to unfold. But for sake of argument, if indeed he realizes he needs me in his life to fulfill our sole contract, in case I'm right and we have won, then even better. I'm always ready for a plot twist, because I'm aware, but also delusional, but it never happens.

Alexandra Virginia: 19:53

I meet with Simon around the end of June. He wants to kiss me to prove a point Because he's still upset. I'm not attracted to him Because he's a superficial boy and thinks I'm talking about physical appearances. He doesn't get that. It's his attitude that ruins it all for me. But I kiss him back Because he says he's seeing someone and I want to prove my point that he's a cheater and a liar. So we kiss. I feel less than nothing. Then he ghosts, I delete his number, I block him on Instagram.

Alexandra Virginia: 20:18

This is all happening on the June full moon in Capricorn and I think, all right, we came full circle. The last time I saw him after the breakup was the Capricorn new moon. The last time I kissed him after the breakup was the Capricorn full moon. The Capricornian devil energy is over now and I snapped out of it. I was able to do so because I took the time to look at myself and my anxiety and undeniably realizing that I was the one breaking no contact when I needed that quick fix of something familiar. And it does bother me less that any other stranger I could meet online because I know him and I know he would give me something to think of, because in two messages I could find hidden meanings and unpack for days, and the mental distraction is what I need when I am the most stressed.

Alexandra Virginia: 21:04

Escapism is my chosen maladaptive coping mechanism. I am aware of my mental health issues and my needs, but if I put my OCD on one side and the magical thinking of soul bonds on the other, then in the middle I find the truth. Simon is just a guy who dated me for three weeks, only then left, unfollowed me and deleted my number because it was over. The plot twist is: I am the insane one who drags him back each time for no reason. I am the one playing games with him for my own entertainment and I don't want to make excuses for his behavior, because he truly was not a nice person to me and he does have a disturbed personality. But I am the devil in this story. I embodied that toxic energy. I chained myself in this relationship with Simon, initially because I wanted to prove to my husband that I could find a boyfriend and start my love life again so quickly after divorce and secondly because I had to prove to myself that I did not waste my heart and good intentions towards an unworthy man. I had to give it meaning. I made excuses for him and eventually tapped into the magical realm of soul connections. But it was me. It has always been me.

Alexandra Virginia: 22:21

When The Devil shows up in a reading, ask yourself how far would you go with your obsession? What excuses are you making to justify your decision? Can you recognize a toxic pattern? Would you break it or is it beneficial for you? Why do you find comfort in darkness? Can you recognize who's the devil in your story? Is it you or is it them? Can you break free? Thank you everyone for listening. Please subscribe to the podcast and send me your comments. I would love to read your experience with the devil. I'll catch you on the next one. Ciao, for now.